There has got to be something done! I am sick an tired of reading about people taking their own lives. It's bad enough when a tragedy strikes and someone loses their loved one unexpectedly, but to have children, parents, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, cousins, etc... have to deal with the pain of losing their loved one because of suicide just leaves a whole lot of questions unanswered.
I hate these moments when I have so much going through my mind that I don't even know what to say.
Lets see, in my life, which I think it hard and unbearable at times, I have a family that is healthy. I have two good jobs that work with each other. I have respect within my family, friends, and community. I have what I need, but occasionally I will get down and pitty myself, thinking that it could be better. While I am doing this, I have friends who have lost loved ones. Friends that are Husbands who welcomed a new baby in the world only to have their wife die as a result of childbirth. Friends who have lost close friends to suicide. Friends who have husbands kill themselves shortly after the divorce was final, leaving a son without a father.
Those are most of the situations involving death that I am close to. But when it comes to those I don't know, I still have some kind of connection. When a teenager was killed a few months ago while walking down the street, I not only got to talk and meet the mother as she mourned, I also know the family of the driver who hit him. When two kids fresh out of high school took their lives this summer, I know them from community events or mutual hobbies. One I would play basketball with at the rec center on occasion, the other participated in a radio station event that I hosted.
When I was in Salt Lake City this summer for a concert, I saw a booth for a suicide prevent walk/activities. I felt a need to take their information and try to do something to help the community. Have I done anything since taking their information? No. Why? With the position like the one I'm in in this particular community, I am beginning to feel like it is my responsibility to act, to be proactive, and to prevent. Are there people that I can be there for who need me? Am I doing enough? When I do do more, can I be strong around these people who need me? Can I avoid my own emotions taking over? What if I get discouraged? What if I need someone? Can I avoid overdoing it?
For much of my life I have not had people I could talk to. I worry sometimes about my emotional health. I have people I can vent to, but I always get the feeling like they really don't care. I feel, honestly, that they are too busy laying judgement on me than wanting to be there for me.
Deep down, I really don't care if someone does judge me, but when I see that they are, I lose my trust in them. Sometimes I wish that there was ONE person that would not judge me.
So is this the first lesson of how I can help? Refusing to lay judgement on others? How can I really show someone I care and that I am different from others, and the world? How much is too much care? At what point, if any, should I open my mouth and offer advice? Sometimes I DONT want advice... but some people do...
I have ruined friendships, way too many of them, by trying to help... and trying too HARD! When people are in distress, sometimes they don't want people hovering around them trying to do everything for them, they want to figure it out on their own... But when do you know when to step in, and when to step out? If anyone has the answer to that, let me know.
My thoughts, unorganized and probably confusing, but blogger never fails to publish my words without judgement.
Brian
